2016, I don’t want to sound like a cliché, but this year will be my year, this year will be better. In Shaa Allah (God Willing)
The past few years have been amazing, to sum it up the highlight of 2014 was getting married and starting the next chapter of my life. The highlight of 2015 would have to be completing my Hajj, the journey of a life time.
With each highlight I can think of many low points that I have been through throughout the year.
Being married isn’t all sunshine and roses, the honeymoon period was well over after 6 months. But I’m glad to say after getting married to a complete stranger, I feel like we know and understand each other. It was hard at first I won’t lie, I look back to my honeymoon and as much as I loved it I felt a little on edge solely because I didn’t know him. I have fonder memories of our 2nd holiday together, by then I knew what made him laugh, when he was serious or angry.
For me the low of 2014 has been moving away from my family. I am only 5 mins drive from them but it’s still not the same as living with them. You live with them for many years and it’s almost expected for you to forget all that and make do with your new family. How can I not cry over my mum who fed me and looked after me, even on days when she was not feeling so well herself? How can I not feel sad when I don’t see my sisters who I’ve bought up and looked after? How can I not run home when my dad needs me to look through some paperwork for him, he did the same for me and much more?
They say the first year of marriage is the hardest, I found the second year to be even harder! I was frustrated in not have my own space, not being able to do things on my time table. The house hunt was slow and not going anywhere.
But what pushed all the negatives of 2015 away was my journey to Hajj with Hubby. Everyone feels differently on their journey. I have wanted to go for a while and it had become Fard (Compulsory) for me before I got married. But I had a dream to go on this journey with my husband and I do not regret it. I think the journey strengthened our relationship, made it more special. Our journey to Allah made our journey to each other easier. We often talk about our time there, how we expected things and how they really where, our favourite part of the journey and our lease favourite.
We recently spoke after a big argument, yes marriage means arguments whether you like it or not. Hubby had realised he was in the wrong and had lost his temper too quickly. We then started speaking about how we were when we were in Saudi, the promises we made to Allah when we first set our eyes on the Ka’ba. We spoke about how we both feel like we have failed and how we have recently started questioning if our Hajj was valid, this is one of the worst things you can do. It just goes to show how the devils whispers can cause you to doubt yourself.
2016 has started and I am determined to stay positive. I will strive to do the best I can to achieve my goals, the rest is in the hands of Allah. I know my prayers will be answered, I won’t stop praying till I achieve what I want, till I get what I need. I will never lose hope in Allah and I know Allah will never lose hope in me.